I’ve had a therapist on and off for 4 years now. It’s the best $100 I spend every month. What I love about therapy is the mental space & clarity it provides. Therapists have a 30,000 foot view. They challenge your perspective, test your theories and your stories, and ask the questions no one else will ask you. They make you think. I love my family and friends, but they’re not always the right people for this job. A therapist is able to see and challenge both sides of your problems.
If you told me 5 years ago that I’d have a therapist (and enjoy it), I would’ve laughed. However, my perspective on mental health has changed, and I now prioritize it at the same level as my physical health. There is a stigma about seeking help, and it comes from a story we’ve been told since childhood. That seeking help, for mental health, is only for people who don’t have the capacity to deal with their issues. They’re labeled ‘weak’. I’d argue that NOT seeking that help when you truly need it, just to save your pride, is ‘weak’.
Why wouldn’t we do something that could make us more resilient, more aware, or a higher performer? We tell athletes that a sports psychologist is acceptable to improve their performance, but when it’s a psychologist to help us through our struggles it’s something we shouldn’t talk about. They’re the same thing! Sometimes pride needs to be put aside. Pride cannot get in the way of asking for help, because it’s difficult to live well in this world alone.
People want to help, but we have to let them in.
What’s the best thing you do each day or month for your mental health?
My favorite reads this month: Not Another Fitness Book, Relentless, and The Kite Runner.
Not Another Fitness Book reads exactly as the title says: fitness and health are much more than the exercises you select and what you eat; it’s also what you think and what you live through.
Relentless is right up there with David Goggins mindset. It was a great kick in the ass, but also a bit over-the-top IMO. I don’t need to always be ‘taking souls’ to live my best life. Maybe that works for some, but it sounds exhausting to me. I also really enjoyed it because it’s far right of Dare to Lead by Brene Brown (my favorite book last month). Relentless and Can’t Hurt Me are two great starts for the new year, then follow them up with Dare to Lead as soon as you’re done.
This review for The Kite Runner says it all: “Because its themes of friendship, betrayal, guilt, redemption and the uneasy love between fathers and sons are universal, and not specifically Afghan, the book has been able to reach across cultural, racial, religious and gender gaps to resonate with readers of varying backgrounds.” – Khaled Hosseini, 2005
I vividly remember Coach Boyle’s word being HUSBAND. He chose this word because if he focused on being a better husband, he’d also be a better father, he’d better manage his time, he’d be able to say “no” more often, and so on…
This thought process reminds me of one of my favorite articles by @AlwynCosgrove – “The Goal Snowball” . When you roll a snowball down a hill, it continues to grow as it gains momentum, picking up all the snow around it on its way down. Everything you choose to do because of your one word positively affects all the actions that follow.
That year, my word was ‘debt’. Every decision revolved around paying off my student loans. I worked extremely hard. I said “no” a lot. I didn’t spend money on things I didn’t need. The result? Over the course of just 2 years, I paid off over ~$50K of student loans. (Read the article I wrote about that experience here: https://collectmomentsnotthingz.com/2018/12/10/debt-free-at-24-in-24-months/ )
Focusing on ‘debt’ proved to be successful, but it came at the expense of my health. So in 2014, my one word was ‘sleep’. From that year on, I’ve continued to focus on just one word: 2015 was ‘dance’, 2016 was ‘minimalism’, 2017 was ‘read’, and 2018 was ‘physical activity’. My word for 2019 is ‘share’. Sharing is challenging for me because I fear the potential criticism that may come with it. But instead of letting fear continue to drive my decision not to share, I’ve decided to focus on that ONE person my thoughts may help. I don’t want to go to my grave with lots left to say.
Of the many ways to share, my personal favorite is to write.
“The pen is the tongue of the mind.” ― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra.
I will be posting on @MovementAsMedicine and @CollectMomentsNotThingz weekly. My hope is to use these posts and your comments about them to create a book, which means I would love to hear from you! Please share any thoughts, experiences, perspectives, disagreements, or parables in the comment section below.
Below are my top 10 favorite reads of 2017. There were a lot of great books that didn’t make my “books of the year” for one reason or another. I also read a lot of BAD books. I always finish the books I don’t like because I want to know WHY I don’t like them, and if I ever write a book I want to be sure to not do THAT, whatever “that” is.
If you have any questions about a book or want a recommendation please leave a comment. And if you read any game-changing books in 2017 please share! (Read 2016s Top 10 books here)
Cheers to fulfilling books, good health, and great workouts in 2018!
Below are my top 10 favorite reads of 2016. There were a lot of great books that didn’t make my “books of the year” for one reason or another. I also read a lot of BAD books. I always finish the books I don’t like because I want to know WHY I don’t like them, and if I ever write a book I want to be sure to not do THAT, whatever “that” is.
If you have any questions about a book or want a recommendation please leave a comment. And if you read any game-changing books in 2016 please share!
Today, I wake up a debt free man. What an amazing feeling to not owe anyone anything.
In the past 24 months, I have had my financials on lock down. In that timeframe I have paid off $59,995 worth of school loans.
I am certainly very proud of this accomplishment, but the point of writing this article is not to brag. I wrote it with the recent college grad in mind. I too was in your position not too long ago, and I hope this article gives other young adults the confidence and the blueprint to pay off their school loans sooner then they imagined. I also hope my younger brothers will read this so they too can be relieved from debt after college.
Student loan debt is a very real thing for both parents and their new graduates.
The average student in 2011 was $26,600 in loan debt upon receiving their diploma, up from $25,250 from the previous year.
Let me preface this article by saying that I couldn’t have done what I did without a little bit of luck, support from my family, and a very understanding girl friend. I thankfully did not have any health issues, car troubles, or any serious set backs in the past two years. Knock on wood. My cell phone plan and health insurance were covered by my father, and my car was given to me as a graduation gift.
That being said, I do not make $100,000 a year, either. I make just a bit more then the Massachusetts average income of $33,000. I work hard for my money, and I live simply. The numbers I’ve used in this article are my own, and they are real. I almost didn’t publish this article because talking about what one makes can be a very personal thing and rub others the wrong way, but in order to understand how I set my goals and where I am coming from, I think the numbers are necessary.
Below are the rules I lived by to save what I did in such a short time making less then $50,000 a year.
I don’t care how many times you’ve heard it: “there’s no substitute for hard work”. In the personal training business, you get paid by how many sessions you do. If you want more money, do more sessions. When I started at MBSC, I would train anyone, anytime, anywhere. I took every client I could. If the trash can needed to be coached, I would have coached it. Soon my schedule was full, and it had me up every morning for my first client at 5 am and I’d get home most nights around 8 pm.
Want to be successful? Put in the hours, work six days a week, study your craft in your spare time, and wake up before everyone else you know. The four hour work week is bogus. I don’t know one successful person, who’s made a lot of money, that started out by only working four hours a week.
“NO ONE WHO CAN RISE BEFORE DAWN 360 DAYS A YEAR FAILS TO MAKE HIS FAMILY RICH.” – CHINESE PROVERB
2. Save up for your first payment.
After you graduate, there is usually a six month grace period before you have to make your first payment. In this six months time frame, I saved up as much as possible. Working two jobs, six days a week, I was able to put down $11,000 on my first payment.
3. Keep track of everything.
Every week I log what I’ve made and what I’ve spent. I use Quicken because I am familiar with it, but the software doesn’t matter; the fact that you’re keeping track of your spending does. I can go back 2 years and tell you exactly where and what my money went too. For example, from Jan 1st 2011 to Dec 31th2011 of last year:
22,883.81 INTO SCHOOL LOANS 1,652.86 TO MASSAGE SCHOOL (I STARTED SCHOOL OCT 2011) 6,104.98 TO RENT & UTILITIES 3,443.72 IN ENTERTAINMENT (EVENINGS OUT, EVENTS, WEDDINGS, MOVIES, CONCERTS, VACATIONS ETC..) 3,632.63 IN GROCERIES 2,162.73 TO GIFTS & CHARITY 1,329.16 IN AUTO SERVICES 1,262.65 IN GAS 4,119.07 IN MISC. NEEDS (CLOTHING, CELL PHONE, COMPUTER, FEES, SEMINARS, BOOKS, OTHER WORK-RELATED STUFF)
4. Read a finance book.
To be honest, when I graduated from college, I had no idea what insurance I needed, what an IRA was, or how interest rates worked. Sad I know, but our current educational system doesn’t set our youth up very well for the real world and finances. I was never once schooled on any of this stuff.
Every time I buy something, I stop and ask myself: “Do I really need this?” Most of the time, the answer is “No”, and I simply just put it back. No second thoughts. I bet if you were to just stop and think for 30 seconds, you’d put back 50% of the things you would normally buy.
Americans, especially my own generation, have a terrible habit of “spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care”. Expensive clothes, shoes, computers, phones, data plans, and gifts. Luxury cars, vacations, dinners, & homes. Alcohol, cigarettes, Starbucks, & lottery tickets. I watch tons of my peers spending money on these things, which all add up to bite you in the end.
Don’t be that guy or girl. These things won’t get us to our end goal. This is where logging everything that you buy paints you a very real picture of what you spend your money on and what you can eliminate so that you can direct more to your loans.
6. Buy a used car and pay for it in full.
Cars can be one of your biggest expenses. If you buy a big fancy car, you are going to be stuck with a big fancy bill, along with big fancy insurance rates. My advice? Get a reliable car that can get you from A to B for under $5,000, and pay for it in full. No monthly bills, and lower insurance costs. My 2002 Saturn, dubbed the “Silver Bullet”, was $4,000 paid in full. 82,000 miles, a radio, tires, and seatbelts.
There she is in all her glory… The Silver Bullet
7. Live as close as you can to work & find other people to live with.
Doing this keeps your expenses much lower then if you were to live alone or had a long commute.
1. Rent, utilities, cable and Internet, gas, and car maintenance are now all manageable.
2. You will never be scrambling for money if you find the right place to live and people to live with. Look around. Don’t settle on the first thing you see. Craigslist is the best I’ve found for finding cheap housing and other college age kids looking for roommates.
I lived with five people 15 minutes away from work my first two years out of college. We paid $475 a month each for rent near Boston by doing this, and I filled up on a tank of gas only twice a month. If you have the option, not everyone does, live with others and live close to work. I can’t imagine what my living expenses would have been if I hadn’t done this.
8. Pay your bills on time and in full, don’t spend more then you have.
In our age of credit cards and our “I’ll deal with it later” attitudes, this one has to make the list. It sounds so simple, but how many people actually do it? Each month, I know I must have enough money to do five things: pay rent, fill my stomach, drive my car, pay my credit card, and make my minimum loan payment. I will never spend more then what I have in my account. Surprisingly, this is not very common. Most people rack up their monthly purchases on their credit card knowing they can’t pay it off and are then forced to eat the interest charges. If I don’t have the money already in my bank account for whatever I plan on buying, I won’t buy it. Plain and simple.
9. Put your tax returns right to loans.
I took both my 2010 and 2011 tax returns and put them right towards loans. Tax return day is not a good reason to go out too the bar that night to celebrate or too hop in your car and go to Nordstrom’s. Take your tax returns and either save them or put them towards paying off your debt.
10. You can never overspend on health and education.
You are nothing without your health. You only get one body. Wholesome foods, health care, and exercise will pay for themselves in the long run.
And there is no such thing as being overeducated. Books, seminars, classes, back to school…. “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest” – Ben Franklin
11. Vacations & Regeneration.
I said to save your money, but I didn’t say too stop living your life! I try to get away from the grind at least once a month. To save, use Groupons, sleep on friend’s couches, buy people “experience” gifts instead of stuff they’ll just throw on a shelf in the basement, or travel with a group. I took a trip to Costa Rica and I kept the costs low by going with five friends and staying in a Villa. It was one of the best weeks of my life, and in total it cost me a little less then a $1,000. I did a few different weekends in Maine and New Hampshire staying with friends, and one weekend I used a Groupon to stay at a B&B in Newport. I bought multiple people concert tickets & comedy shows as Christmas presents and went with them.
To work optimally over time, you need intermittent stretches of down time to rest the body and the brain. These are just a few of the ways I’ve recharged my batteries without breaking the bank.
12. Crunch the numbers & make goals from them.
The best approach to take is to work backwards using simple math.
I knew my goal was to pay off my loans in two years. That means if my loans are $60,000 – $11,000 (1stloan payment)= $49,000/ 24 months= $2,040 a month. Then I knew my rent & utilities were about $550 a month, food was $300, gas and auto was $200, and personal expenses were $400 = $1450.
$2,040 + $1450 = means I’d need to make $3,490 a month after taxes. That’s $872.50 a week, and $124.64 per day. From that, I then knew exactly how many personal training sessions I’d have to do every week and how many hours I’d have to work to make my monthly payments.
Set a goal & work backwards.
13. Don’t waste your money going out to eat.
Cook dinner at home and bring your lunch to work. You can make almost any meal you get at a restaurant for a quarter of the price at home, without the gratuity! Grabbing lunch somewhere every day, or going out to dinner a few nights a week gets real expensive, real quick. I may go out to dinner once or twice per month, and that’s stretching it. But when I do, you better believe I enjoy it!
14. Small Ideas Pay Big Dividends.
Use grocery bags as trash bags; draw your own birthday cards; wrap presents with newspaper; drink tap water; cut your own hair (I have since sophomore year of high school); make your own coffee; buy all your books used on half.com (the words didn’t change right? who cares if its used); get rid of cable and get a Netfilx account (do you really need all those channels?). Small ideas like these save you pennies that add up over time.
In the end, saving money is really about discipline and setting boundaries for yourself. I hope this article stimulates some of you to pick up a book and start recording your expenses putting yourself on the road too paying off your debts.
Not something you expect to hear as a presumably healthy 26-year-old.
Three years ago I was admitted to the hospital with unexplainable bruising all over my body. I had shortness of breath walking up a simple flight of stairs. I was as pale as a corpse. Within five minutes of arriving, I was on my stomach with a drill in my hip bone. I spent the next five days in the hospital awaiting a diagnosis.
It felt like being a patient on the TV show “House.” The doctors even had a whiteboard where they crossed off everything it couldn’t be. Consensus? Aplastic Anemia. A rare autoimmune disease that attacks the body’s stem cells, with the symptoms being very similar to that of leukemia and lymphoma.
I was in denial and didn’t want any help; or worse, sympathy. I thought I could do it all on my own. I was seriously wrong. I needed more help than I could have ever imagined, and people wanted to help. I had to learn to let them in. I made the decision to reframe my circumstances and began to look at my diagnosis as a way to help others. I was one of the few people who could bring awareness to Aplastic Anemia and other autoimmune diseases. I could encourage people to go get a check up – especially those that hadn’t in years. I could ask people to join the Be the Match foundation. I could be the personal reminder you needed to tell of those close to you that you love them. Because if my diagnosis taught me anything, it was that you never know how much time you or those you love have left.
This ultimately lead to the creation of my campaign, Collect Moments Not Things. I had seen this slogan on a poster in college and it stuck with me. At the time, it was exactly what I was trying to cultivate. That life is not about what we have, but who we share it with.
Today, I’m one of the lucky ones that gets to use the words “remission” and “healthy” in the same sentence. There are many who don’t. I’m incredibly grateful for this gift I’ve been given at the age of 30; the gift of perspective. It’s now my responsibility to share what I’ve learned so others can benefit.
Below is a list of ‘perspectives’ I gained from my battle with Aplastic Anemia. I wrote them at the end of 2015 and it may be the best thing I’ve ever written. They were born from year of tremendous obstacles & growth. I originally shared them on my Facebook page in hopes of inspiring others to question their current mindset and take action on their health and/or life. It will forever be worth sharing. Enjoy.
1. Health is not about having a six-pack, eating paleo or living without disease. Health is living optimally given your circumstances, genetics, environment and financial state.
2. It’s OK to put your pride aside and admit you need help. People WANT to help. Let them. It’s how they cope, and how you connect. Be cognizant not to fall into the trap of playing/coddling a victim.
3. There is no shame in seeing a therapist. I hired two when I got to California. One was a business/life coach the other a psychologist. They were the neutral party I needed at the time. They both helped me step back and observe my situation from afar. I love my family and friends, but they’re all personally biased.
4. Crying is a human emotion. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or soft. Society and the media had me convinced that crying decreased my self-worth as a male. I cried every day for almost six months. I realized feelings are what make us human, and feelings are how we connect with others. For years, I suppressed my emotions to appear ‘strong’. What BS. So if crying is cool, consider me Miles Davis!
5. Love and take care of yourself first. Then, and only then, will you have enough to give others. For years, I gave and gave and gave, totally forgetting about myself. I was burnt out. I can see now that people were only getting 30% of my best.
6. To me, spirituality is about taking responsibility for yourself and ownership of every choice you make.
7. Vulnerability to me is telling the truth, even when you know it will hurt.
8. Life is one big insecurity; yet we spend most of our day trying to map everything out to convince ourselves we have control. I’ve come to realize the only thing we have control over is ourselves. “There’s my business, there’s your business, and there’s God’s/Universe/Divine/Nature’s business.” – Byron Katie. I laugh now when people ask what my 5- year plan is. I no longer invest in goal-setting or material things. Your house, your car, your job, your family; they could all be gone today. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Instead, I have visions, ideas, and I collect moments. This does not mean I just pray and avoid taking action. No, it means I take care of today and focus on being present. The rest always takes care of itself.
9. “Nothing is good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare. We love to label things as good or bad. What if we chose to look at everything as positive, or as a learning opportunity? Yes, you’ll still encounter pain, sadness, hurt, and anger. Those emotions are human. But now, instead of dwelling on them and labeling them as bad, I reflect on them and move on.
10. Technology is amazing, and it’s here to stay. Embrace it. To be able to video chat, share my story, and connect with people who ten years ago I would have never met is mind boggling to me.
11. Life is not a competition. What I have going on isn’t any worse, or better (see #9), than what you have going on. It is my burden to bear. You’ll drive yourself mad comparing your circumstances to someone else’s. You’ll also go mad trying to save the world of its problems. Take care of yourself and lead by example.
12. Meditation is an inquiry into your thoughts. I used to think it was about sitting with your legs crossed, counting breaths, and trying NOT to think. Maybe this works for some, but it’s torture for me. Writing, reading, and sharing has become my meditation. Maybe meditation is really about being in a state of ‘flow’….
Thank you for reading, sharing, and caring.
And as always Collect Moments, Not Thingz! – Brendon
Brendon Rearick is a father, strength coach, public speaker, teacher, business owner, ice cream lover, bookworm, bearded commoner, plaid-wearing gentleman. Beyond the labels, his purpose for living is: to make exercise the number one prescribed drug in the world, to spread the positive by-products of movement & coaching as far as he can, and to Collect Moments, Not Things. Any decision he faces is put up against these values; and if it doesn’t align, he doesn’t do it.